Wednesday, March 28, 2018 – 04:16

Father God, Thank You for this day of life in Your constantly amazing creation. Thank You for this week’s 50+-degree temps here in New England, a hopeful sign that warmer weather will indeed come (eventually) this year. This winter seems to have been colder later than usual.

0a822e1e-36ec-48d9-9e1a-c8abdc58d068-421-00000051d99b40d1_filePost-dialysis yesterday was rough; I slept an extra hour and went to bed early but I did record the Bruins’ game to watch this evening. (So don’t tell me who won!) Again, I have to Thank You for what science and technology have developed by learning about the laws governing Your world. From machines that can clean our blood (by osmosis, BION!) to those that can show us what’s happening this very moment thousands of miles away, who can imagine what will come next?

Father, today I pray for my appointment with the Transplant Clinic’s psychiatrist. May I reach reassurance and courage to someday face another surgical procedure, knowing now from personal experience that bad things can happen. You know how I finally ran out of luck with hospitals this past November.

operation(By my count, I’ve had eight stays of 10+ days since mid-2014, plus countless overnight observations and ER visits.)

pexels-photo-236164.jpegPsalm 33 (GW) The “Sing a New Song” Psalm
:20 We wait for the Lord.
He is our help and our sheild.
:21 In Him our hearts find joy.
In His holy name we trust.
:22 Let Your mercy rest upon us, O Lord,
since we wait with hope for You.

What made me think of the word “rely” when journaling about these verses on Sunday? It’s not used in the God’s Word translation. It must have been the feeling the lines gave me.

Rely – verb – “depend on with full trust or confidence”
be dependent on”
The original sense was “gather together.” Later the “turn to” association developed.

There are two senses to this verb, good and not-so-good. Depending on something with full confidence is positive. But to be dependent on? Sounds too much like an addiction.

Unless, perhaps, it’s regarding our “blind” faith in Our Father. Is He more dependable than the sun rising every day?

michelangelo-abstract-boy-child-73805.jpegHe is the “Great I Am.” He is whatever is, so yes, we must fully trust in Him. What’s frustratingly impossible for us to know is the “why” behind some of the things He makes or allows to happen.

That reminds me of my real-word-acronym, “OPIA” (the plural of opium), and how it has changed as I’ve journeyed through recovery and spiritual foundation formation.

from
Obsessing
Procrastinating
Isolating
Avoiding

to
Only God

Pray-sing God
Inspiring others to know God
Active for God

pexels-photo-695963.jpegRecently, I met with one of the transplant surgeons, to get to know more about the operation and get my questions answered. It was informative, but did it remove my fears?

NO!

I’ve never been afraid like this before. I know it was touch-and-go during some of my surgeries, but I’d never before been brought to the edge and left lingering there for a full week, begging You for release.

img_2776But the surgeon also reminded me that there are risks with continuing dialysis. In other words, I’ll most likely have to face the transplant operation sooner or later.

Heavenly Father, I know I’ll have to dare to undergo another operation. And I know (or at least I say) that I do trust in You. I’ve felt the peace that surpasses before on this journey. I lost that feeling in November’s routine-procedure-gone-wrong.

Will you give some sign that all will be well? I need to reach that place of complete acceptance again. I know I’ll need to dare.

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