Sunday, April 1, 2018 – 02:43 Easter/April Fools’ Day

small crossCreator God, Thank You for this special day. We stress our remembrance of Jesus’ sacrifice on this day. We are reminded extra that He paid His blood to free us from eternal punishment for all our wrongdoing – past, present, and future.

In that sense, we have been bought and are not our own.

Lord God, because I believe this, I can no longer be the lord of my life. I abdicate my title, absolutely, in favor of You.

I head-know this is a good thing because I have such a hard time doing what I tell myself to do anyway. I need a true master; to tell me what to do, to “force” me to obey.
But I just can’t seem to heart-know it and behave as if. (IOW I don’t walk my talk.)

Yesterday, in my hand-written journal, I considered this problem, this question of who, exactly, is (and should be) the boss of me.

Psalm 35 GW
(the problem:)
:10 All my bones will say, “O  Lord, who can compare with you?
You rescue the weak person from the one who is too strong for him,
and weak and needy people from the one who robs them.”

(the solution:)
You rescue” and
:9 My soul will find joy in the Lord
and be joyful about His salvation.

Romans 8:9 (CEV)
You are no longer ruled by your desires but by God’s Spirit, who lives in you…

IMG_3927.JPGThe kicker is that the weak one and the strong one both are me, myself.

I will, almost always, take whatever I can give myself.

That’s a fancy way of saying my will-power is weak. My self-discipline is easily overcome.

I’m a thief; I rob myself.pexels-photo-272254.jpeg

It’s a catch-22. (By the way, this term comes from the 1961 novel by Joseph Heller. Now you know! It’s paradoxical. Oxymoronic. I give everything to and take anything from myself.

Self-discipline (noun)
The ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses;
the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.

Abdicate (verb) in addition to ‘giving up a title or position,’ means
Fail to fulfill or undertake (a responsibility or duty)
Latin: ab “away, from” + dicare “declare”
(I must abdicate because I abdicate!)

A situation from which there is no escape because of mutually exclusive or dependent conditions.

Two synonyms of ‘abdicate’ are surrender (to give up what I have) and refuse (to not take what I don’t have). They are themselves slightly contradictory – unless considered in this way – as “surrendering lordship” and “refusing to receive lordship.”

IMG_3352The thing is, I surrender authority just fine – but then I take it right back at the first sign of trouble or desire. So how to make this yielding permanent?

In a sense, it can’t ever be, because I am myself, naturally. But it can be an attitude, a declaration remade, renewed, restated – and reminded every moment of every day.

“God’s Spirit,” the Holy Spirit, is that internal voice whispering what the next right thing (tNRT) is. If I am truly deferring to Him, I will seek to follow that voice. It must command me, overrule me, rule over me, all by my free consent.

It’s voluntary and sacrificial, giving and refusing to take back.

praying handsFather God, recently, You know how I’ve been refusing to refuse myself – even more than usual. The thing is, there is no way to enforce because it’s me, servant and boss, of me. It’s the inmates running the asylum; the weak in the position of the strong; giving and taking (back) at the same time. What a crazy way to live!

Holy Spirit, You live in me. I give You control of me. I agree to make myself follow Your commands, Your voice. I surrender my will; then I will act. I surrender, but then I must control (my actions).

Holy Spirit, take charge. Be my authority. Help me – make me – control myself.

It’s so simple, no? NO!

In Jesus’ Spirit-giving name, AMEN

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