Dear Reader,

pexels-photo-695963.jpegIf you’ve been following, you’ll have read about my disastrous hernia repair this past November. Today, six months later, I think I’ve finally reached an understanding about why it’s been so life-threatening.

You see, since that incident, my Faith has been on Life Support.

It’s a combination of things that’s left me like this.

Obviously, there was the excruciating physical pain I experienced, and, now, fear of risking that agony again, even (and especially) by undergoing the elective, “normal life-restoring” kidney transplant.Image result for bible verses god's big picture

Then there’s the absolute irony of “sailing” – so to speak – through several serious surgeries (i.e. open heart, having part of my colon removed) – only to be sunk by a routine, out-patient operation.

small crossMostly, though, it’s been emotional and spiritual stuff.

I’ve had a lot of doubt and anger at God for letting it happen to me, for putting me through it. I’ve lost my trust in Him. Doesn’t He promise not to harm me?

And I’ve been fretting over our financial future. For the past four years, I’ve been on disability. I’ve done some part-time, sit-down rideshare driving, but, otherwise, I haven’t had to work, to labor.
That would change a year after successful transplant when benefits would end.

And what about His plans to prosper? Three years of blogging for a mere two hundred followers? That’s not the fruitful ministry I envisioned for Sharing God’s Story.

I think I’ve found the answer in that last sentence – and it’s something that’s tripped me up many times before.IMG_4207

My Life is supposed to be on Faith Support.

See the source image

Father God,
I’ve been crying out about where You went, where You’ve been. But I took myself off Faith Support.

I’ve wanted to know how You will work this for my good – what are Your plans to prosper and not to harm me? 

But that’s not how You work. My plans and Yours don’t always agree. Neither does Your timing. And which always ends up perfect?

I forgot the lessons You’ve brought me through these past ten years, and the absolute trust I had found at a few precious milestone moments along this crazy journey.

That is the kind of faith I need again: trust instead of fear, in spite of fear.

Help me to let go:

  • of fear,
  • of expectations on how You will work all things,
  • of my plans for how You should work things,
  • of life itself, (O yes, I do know how to do this)
  • of the need to be the one to plan it all out
    (that’s Your department)

Mine is to simply take one step – the next right step, by Your guidance – at a time.
Please shine Your light extra-brightly on what that is for today.
Like You always have.
Help me to see it, to be still, and to look and listen.

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6 thoughts on “A Life on Faith Support

  1. Hang in there my friend. He’s still in control so it’s all going to work out for your good.
    And thanks for sharing because real life stories are what we need to read and hear about.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Marshall you have been strong till now and u will successfully come out with this phase of your life just don’t give up. God has its own plans of teaching and making things work for us.

    A small request, I noticed that you do ‘like’ the comments which everyone write on your blog, don’t you think they take that much of effort in writing their views you can reply to them in at least a word.. Please don’t be offended, its just my thought. When we expect god to show some light, we also must show some light of our opinion to others who is talking to us.. isn’t it??

    Stay blessed always.. prayers and love for you..

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes number of followers don’t matter, but the few who spare time to read and appreciate your work that matters… U are blessed with unique talent and it takes time to be recognized..

        Stay blessed always.. god is with you and our prayers are with you

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I am definitely moved by this. God has a plan for you indeed Marshall. I can see it; even the way you put across your message shows he is fine tuning you for himself. I think you are so special to him. I’m sure when you shall have become fully ripe as He wants, that will be your miracle moment. Thank God for his confidence in you.

    Liked by 2 people

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