10 years after, 3/15/2018

10 years after, 3/15/2018

A something/anything post, from the Dialysis Chair…

On dialysis days my alarm goes off at 04:15 hours. But I don’t often need it.

I’m awake already, journaling, having tossed and turned amidst a few stretches of sleep.

This morning was one of those days. At 03:15, after an intense dream about a fire in a 19-story building (at which my job was to run from floor to floor sounding the alarm and giving the slow-moving residents updates), I gave up and got up.

My thoughts turned to March, 2008. To ten years ago, today.

It was a Saturday, and I was working on a memorial photo-video keepsake. For my mom.

I wasn’t a believer then. I knew little about salvation.

My family was gathered in Florida, my sibs and I each arriving that Tuesday night from MACOFLAZ. We’d been called down because Mom had asked to go to the hospital. She knew.

We saw her late that night, then went home with Dad. Mom went home early the next morning.

I believe she hung on until we – her husband and kids, and her twin sister – until we got there. She was unresponsive, hooked up to every machine available, but somehow she knew.

Seeing her was a shock to me- the zap that set me on this recovery journey. I remember it well.

I’d seen her the previous July, and she’d looked good. But that night, I could barely recognize the thin, blue patient in that hospital bed.

The memorial service was on Monday, St Patrick’s day.

A constant in my life was gone. It was the first of many, which I now write about on Sharing God’s Story.

…to be continued

To Know What To Believe

To Know What To Believe

Tuesday’s mean dialysis, followed by eating and sleeping. And never feeling good.

hand book read wood boy reading religion child christian bible education religious study bed learn studying learning african knowledgeI hadn’t been up in the middle of the night – for a change, so it was afternoon when I ‘opened’ my Bible (online at BibleGateway.com) and searched on verses about “waking up.”

I felt guilty about resting so much.

Honestly, in my mind, I was expecting Psalms and Proverbs (“How long will you lie down, O sluggard?”) to be tops in the results, but they weren’t.

Instead, I found myself in 1 Corinthians 15, in which the writer talks about death. A lot. (The connection to my search being “waking up from the sleep of the dead”).tree,silhouette,black and white,old,spooky,stone

I ended up reading the whole chapter and wondering what I really believed. I questioned how I am To Know What To Believe.

:50 ERV
I tell you this, … : Our bodies of flesh and blood cannot have a part in God’s kingdom. Something that will ruin can not have a part in something that never ruins.

tree,woman,alone,statue,rose,sadnessQuestion: how can we know exactly what will happen when we die? Answer: we can’t, truly. Frankly, it’s all speculation and hearsay.

Now, I’m sad.

Paul presents a logical argument (literally, Ellicott’s commentary lists all the devices, like reductio ad absurdum and argumentum ad hominem) for our ultimate resurrection.

But we have no proof. We don’t know. We can only believe.

And one verse hit me very hard:

:19 If our hope in Christ is only for this life here on earth, than people should feel more sorry for us than for anyone else.

How can I be sure about the (or any) afterlife? I can’t, and it was bumming me out.

But in reading the whole chapter I found something to hold on to: the evidence of my own experience.wood,tool,hammer,symbol,balance,business

know what has happened in my life. And therein lies my hope. That got me feeling better.

I know I’ve been created, so there must be a Creator. I know I’ve been saved (from what I was), so there must be a Savior. I know all my life there’s been guidance (that voice inside), so I know there is a guiding Spirit.

grass plant leaf flower young green produce dirt insect soil flora sprout life seedling close up growing new macro photography flowering plant dicotyledon grass family plant stemAnd the whole of it is a metamorphosis: conception to birth, child to adult, broken to redeemed. Seed to plant (verse 36). Caterpillar to butterfly.

:51 We will not all die, but we will all be changed… as quickly as an eye blinks.

Image result for images breaker morant“I’m going to find out the grand secret.” Lt Hancock in Breaker Morant

I know I will die; I will cease to live in this form. But in nature, your creation, you display metamorphoses of all kinds. Therefore I can view death not as the end but as The Great Change, actually just one among many that you have brought me through.sea,coast,ocean,horizon,silhouette,mountain

:26 The last enemy to be destroyed will be death.