Step 10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Step 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.
There’s a word in these steps – one single syllable -which scares me. It condemns and convicts me (and I assume you, too). Uttering this term causes my heart to fear and doubt, to dwell on shame and hopelessness, despite what my head knows. Do you know what word that is?
When, not if. When. It dictates the inevitableness of my fall(s). Like I am doomed to fail, probably time and again. (And so it has proved to be.) I really have no confusion about why I relapse – when it comes down to it, it is wholly by my choice. I want (and take) what I want.